this just in:

i don't hate people.
i hate institutionalized attitudes and mechinisms of the (hopefully temporarily) dominant.

i don't hate helping people.
i just don't like to go to work.

my passions aren't frameworks for the hopeless.
it's just uncommon and difficult for anyone to care about things bigger than themselves.


i would write more today, but i'm kind of worried my knee gash is infected and that seems to be consuming most of my brain power. hmmm. okay bye.

In my Eyes

what better way to start off this blog than with evidence that i apply colors and pencil to paper - thus am worthy of a spot on this obviously art-expecting website. things in color are more recent. pencil sketches are just quick drawings, nothing fancy. for a while i was making cartoon like drawings of humanitarian crisis's - but then realized that it only made serious situations look like episodes of Doug - so am not doing that anymore.

anyway,
i am home from a Saturday morning shift at the car dealership. Saturdays i don't feel nearly as hostile - as they provide a BBQ and the most delicious day-old brownies from Safeway. Rolled in, rolled out with ease.

At home now, dying my hair and making a To Do list. So far I have-

"dye hair, laundry"

It should be a busy day. pff.
I really am in a great mood, in contrast to yesterday when I was (as many times before) holding up my educational obligations to my political, socioeconomic and evolutionary opinions and becoming extremely worried about the stark differences. Could it be that I, the recluse and pariah that I am, failed in really choosing an adequate major for my character? I mean - SOCIAL WORK? -- I'm often cold to strangers and would rather eat my arm off in front of a crowd of 17th century peasants throwing rotten crops than make small talk. The people I invest the most time in are the ones I draw on paper, who don't complain about their job and who's eyes don't linger on the one missing button of my coat. I have spent time working FOR people, genuinely investing enormous amounts of interest in their well-being to be met (every single time) with heartbreaking discontent. Yes, people value help - but not those busting their ass to get it to you. I suppose what keeps me running in this major is that I despise unprogressive ambition. I despise using intelligence and capability for pure personal gain and and can't stand ignorance to reality. Reality is that people are suffering, and whether or not I get a "thank you" for the effort I plan to put into alleviating a small percentage of this suffering; "at least I'm fucking trying, what the fuck have you done?"

anyway, enough bitching - the sun is out and my hair is now purple.

swing.